I can't fall asleep until I get this off my chest. I feel like my family doesn't appreciate me and that I'm just not good enough for them. I mean my extended family and not my mom's side. I'm just really aggravated lately. One thing that is really annoying is the fact that they treat my boyfriend like shit. He has never done anything mean to anyone, so I don't understand why they are so mean to him. They might be joking, but it's not funny anymore. I really wish I would have stuck up for him the first time they ever said anything, because maybe they wouldn't say anything anymore. And now he doesn't ever want to be around them. It hurts me that they only treat MY boyfriend like crap. They don't understand that it hurts my feelings. I'm done letting them upset me and I'm done not defending myself. The next time they say something that is even the tiniest bit offensive I'm gonna say something. Hopefully I will actually go through with what I'm saying. I don't wanna cause problems within my family, but technically they are the ones causing the problems. Another thing is that my one cousin seems to be nicer and happier when talking to everyone except me. I feel like she feels I'm not good enough to talk to her. I guess I'll just get over it, but it's not that easy. It sucks that this is my family that's making me feel this way. I don't think they really understand what family means. I thought I did but I realized I didn't once I was introduced to a real family. I've been really angry lately and I really think the root of it is the feeling of unappreciation. But today I had a really long talk with someone and I felt special for the first time in a really long time. I'm going to forget about all of the stupid shit that upsets me and live like there's no tomorrow. I really want to be happy all of the time and I really am a happy person just not lately. Well, I really feel a lot better now. Now it's time to try and fall asleep and wake up tomorrow with a smile on my face (:

Only two more weeks of school, then it's christmas break. Yesterday, I started my english project, which is due on december 18 and i almost found everything i need to get started. Today I am supposed to work on my gov project, but my partner hasn't texted me back :/ I really really don't feel like doing that project, my gov class is so stupid. I actually want to do my english project because it's like scrapbooking. I really hope my partner texts me soon.

So, its been a while since i last wrote on here. It's summer finally. I have like no stress i love it!! Alex has two days left of his summer class and then it will really feel like summer (: I can't wait until July so i can go to Houghton Lake! Hopefully we can have a whole family trip with no fighting at all. Lately i've been babysitting, bowling, kind of exercizing, trying to eat and drink better, hanging out with Alex, going to drumline, and working on a cadence. Today, or i should say tonight i talked to Taylor for the first time in a long time. I miss her a lot, so hopefully we'll start hanging out soon.

I am now a legal driver! I left school before third hour to get my license and my mom let me stay home lol. I'm so happy I have my license now! I thought I would never get it, but I did (: This weekend was great! On Friday, Lisa came home and me her and Russell went to Olga's for dinner and hungout after. Then, Alex came over and we went and played tennis it was really fun. On Saturday, I turned 16 (: took my road test, passed it, and then had my birthday party with my friends it was so fun! Afterwards, I went to Taylor's party and spent the night there. I didn't go to sleep until 6:45 in the morning! On Sunday, after leaving Taylor's I cleaned the basement, I took a shower, got ready, and then Alex came over. I was really mean to him because I was all crabby from not getting any sleep the night before, but it's okay now. We went to this pet store and looked around. Then, we went to Lakeside and I bought a shirt and zip up hoodie from A&F. I was pretty gay the whole day but I'm trying to be better.

I'm so bored. I'm kinda starting to feel like Alex doesn't want to be with me as much as he used to :/ He says he does, but idk it just feels different. Like i know that it feels different after a while but still. Like i want to hangout with him so bad and i feel like he doesn't want to. On Friday we both went to Andrea's birthday party and we weren't together at all. Normally we would be by each other but we weren't at all it kinda sucked. I know he just wanted to be with his friends since he barely ever gets to see them but we dont really see each other that much anymore now that im doing tennis and i always have homework but i dont think he even realizes that we barely see each other or something. Because once we're together for five minutes its like we were never apart. It kinda sucks how like he texts me and says cute things and then he sounds all happy on the phone but once he comes over hes not that happy. I really think that i dont make him happy anymore. I can understand though because im a horrible girlfriend. I expect way too much im always worrying about everything and im just always a bitch. Im never gonna find anyone else who will actually put up with all my stupid shit. Idk i think im just over reacting hes probably happy and does wanna be with me but i freak out about everything. I wish i could be different in a good way.

I think I'm sick. I woke up today feeling like absolute crap, I still don't really feel good. My throat is killing me and my head is just kinda funny. I'm sure I'll be fine though.

So the tennis meeting is tomorrow (: I'm so excited to be on a team! I also really really want the sweats and stuff too! Last year the tennis team got fleeces too, I hope they do that this year.

This weekend did end up being good. It didn't go exactly as I planned, but it was still good. On Friday, Alex picked me up from school. My mom went and got fish from church and we all ate together. Later on Alex and I went to the mall and then came back and hungout. I actually made Alex made for once and I totally deserved for him to be way more mean that he was. He wasn't even mean directly to me I could just tell that he was mad. After a while everything was fine. On Saturday, me and Lisa went to Olive Garden for lunch it was fun. I drove there. Afterwards Taylor came over and me, Lisa, Taylor, and my Mom all went to Lakeside. Then we went to Dick's so me and Lisa could get shoes. I drove to the mall. Taylor didn't spend the night, but I ended up getting invited to the movies. I went with Melissa and Ola. We saw taken it was so good! After that Alex came over for a little bit. On Sunday, Lisa and I went to church (I drove) and after me, her, and Alex went to Panera (I drove there too). Then Lisa left and me and Alex went to Pets Mart we were there for a long time. It was really fun though!

I want my license soooooooooooooooo bad!!!!

So, school has actually been really good this week. Not too much homework and I'm not stressed out. There is one thing I am worried about though. I've decided that I'm going to do tennis. BUT the thing is try outs are on the ninth and I have segment two on the ninth! I really hope that tryouts are later on in the day because segment two is right after school until 4:45. I want to do tennis so bad! I wanted to before because me and Alex played all the time and it was so fun and he told me I was really good. But then I changed my mind because I was worried I would get overwhelmed with having to worry about school and then having practice everyday but today Alex talked me into it because he knows that I want to do it. A bunch of my friends are doing it to and that would give me a chance to make even more friends. I was so upset when I realized that try outs and segment two are on the same day. I'll just keep praying that I'll be able to try out! There's a meeting next Tuesday the 3rd so I'll figure everything out then.

For Lent I gave up swearing, being negative, and being mean to Alex. So far, I'm doing okay. I haven't swore yet, I haven't been mean to Alex, but I have still been kind of negative. Just today Alex and I went running and he kept saying you can do it you can do it and of course I kept saying no I can't I need to really work on that. Alex said he used to always be how I am when it comes to that, but now he always says that he can, which I need to start doing.

So, like I said this week was good so hopefully tomorrow won't ruin it. Lisa's coming home tomorrow (: I'm excited! Hopefully she'll be home in time to go to the fish fry. After that Alex is coming over and we might go see a movie. I might try and find an indoor tennis place instead I'm not sure. Then on Saturday Taylor's spending that night so that should be fun! Sunday me and Lisa are going to church and then I'm hanging out with Alex. It should be a good weekend (: